paganiwitch: (Default)
[personal profile] paganiwitch
Word around the water cooler is the woman I wanted to reach out to is engaged. I kind of figured...a chick that cool doesn't stay single. I know I'm supposed to say that I'm happy for her, that it's great she found someone to spend her days with...but come on, we all know what a crock of shit that really is.

Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful to the universe for setting her on a path that led to happiness, I'm just pissed at myself for pushing her off of the path we walked together.

"It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." My ass. What they never tell you how to deal with is when you find that someone...and you screw it up. As a witch, I guess I could get it right in the next life, but could the Goddess give me a reset on this one? I doubt I could have screwed it up much worse if I tried. Gee, this is turning into a cheery post! :)

I guess, delusional or not, I always hoped for some kind of reconnection with this person. Beyond my feelings about her, she's funny and smart, sarcastic as all hell, and truly one of the best artists I've met. I always wanted her to design some of my tattoo pieces...it's hard to let go of that hope. But very few women want to be friends with an ex, and I can see the reality of that, but my reality sucks balls.

In reality, I won't be anything but an absentee dad to my son, I'll be apart from my family, hell...I'll probably die in prison for a crime I didn't participate in. I should be doing 5 years for my role in it, unwilling as I was, which would have been up 6 years ago. You can see why reality and me aren't on speaking terms.

I do have people who love me, and I'm blessed for that, but if I could go back I'd do a whole lot different. I guess we all would given the chance, but still, all things considered, I think I'll stick with delusional as it's probable better for my sanity! :) I do have faith in the Gods and Goddesses to deliver me through this, it's just how much of me will be left when I come through the trials of this lifetime...

I'll hold onto hope that everything will work out one way or another. Until then I guess I'll work on being happy for other peoples' happiness...
...
...
...

Nope, not yet...
...
...
...

Almost, but not quite...
From:
Anonymous( )Anonymous This account has disabled anonymous posting.
OpenID( )OpenID You can comment on this post while signed in with an account from many other sites, once you have confirmed your email address. Sign in using OpenID.
User
Account name:
Password:
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
Subject:
HTML doesn't work in the subject.

Message:

 
Notice: This account is set to log the IP addresses of everyone who comments.
Links will be displayed as unclickable URLs to help prevent spam.

Profile

paganiwitch: (Default)
paganiwitch

January 2013

S M T W T F S
  12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
2728 293031  

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jul. 25th, 2017 04:34 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios