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[personal profile] paganiwitch
So, in the infinite cyber-universe, I found the path to someone I thought lost to me. How I found this path is an ironic tale, but that will be told another time. Maybe. Anyway, as you can guess, this is someone I care for a great deal, and as these things usually go, this person used to care for me. What to do next...

The rational thing would be to think fond thoughts, reminisce about the good times and move on, leaving no trace I was ever there. The fool thing to do would be to leave a message, ANY message, and let it be known I was there (well, sort of "there." Regular followers of this page will understand).

But none of that will do for the Delusional Romantic, oh no. I must scour song lyrics, every poem ever written, every movie line looking for THE perfect line that shows this someone how deeply I still feel for her, even after all this time. I'm thinking Shakespeare, by the way...you can't go wrong with Shakespeare. Of course the line, whatever I chose, will be completely inadequate, probably met with scorn and ridicule, if not downright hostility. To say I screwed up the relationship would be a vast understatement.

And it really was all my fault.

I let fears and people manipulate me into bad decisions, but it was my fault not to see through the manipulations. It was my fault that I let the fears of what might happen ruin the greatness that was happening. And it was greatness. So much greatness I still don't know how it happened to me in the first place. Nights so fun they explain the evolutionary purpose of talking. Needless to say...I fucked up.

And I owe her more than I can say for those times. Just the slight thought of reconnecting, delusions of grandeur or not, sparked a rush deep inside me. Just the memory of the love I hold for this someone, it can only be described as true, pure magick. It's a magick so strong the only I've felt something close was in a circle calling down the God and Goddess, touching divinity. Fellow witches will understand.

It was a wake-up call on how disconnected I've become with the spiritual, both in practice and in studies. Even after all the time apart, this someone is still influencing me for the better, to BE better.

So, I'll send the cheesy line, I'll continue the delusion of reconnecting, of dreaming of letters, of getting called for a visit and seeing those hazel-green eyes that send lightning from the top of my head to the tips of my toes.

Because that's who I am: the Delusional Romantic, dreaming my delusions of grandeur, just hoping to talk with that someone, to be able to tell a woman named Christina, "Hello again."

Date: 2011-09-11 01:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] be4u.livejournal.com
Sweetheart....you're far too hard on yourself. Not that it doesn't make me beam with pride that my son is a man who is talking responsibility for his actions and mistakes...but we ALL make mistakes.

In the situation you were faced with, you did the best you could. You didn't want your son growing up without a father like you did. Who in their right mind could fault you for that?

There are some choices in life that can only be truly seen for what they are once you're years past it. I wish it were different. And I'm still working on building that time machine...

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paganiwitch

January 2013

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